By Robert E. Quinn
I am fortunate to have the opportunity to travel to places around the world teaching the principles of positive leadership, and with each new place I visit, I gain a new perspective. As I walked along an Australian shoreline with a friend during one of these international trips, we noticed an aboriginal fishing with a throw net. We stood and watched for a time—it was beautiful. We felt compelled to approach him and start talking to him. He met our greeting with a very distant and guarded response. It was a response I have often seen when a white man approaches an aboriginal. The interface between the white culture and the aboriginal culture had been less than ideal.
Instead of reacting to his caution, we asked about the fish in his bucket. He said a few words explaining that they were bait fish. He used them to catch bigger fish and he pointed to two lines in the water. He cast his net and we expressed genuine appreciation for his skill. He seemed touched by that. Just then one of his lines started to move, he had a bite. He ran to it but the fish was gone. Then the other line started to move he ran to that one but again the fish was gone. We expected some disappointment. Instead there was enthusiasm. He said, “Those are the first two bites I have had all day. You fellas brought me good luck!” We continued to talk and he began to light up like a Christmas tree. He began to teach us about his fishing. We were fully engaged and so was he. As that relationship became more trusting, we all started to grow.
When trust goes up the quality of interaction elevates and learning follows. The involved people are pulled into the growth mindset. Consider another example.
I had lunch with a former CEO of a Fortune 500 company. He is a donor to our research center. With me were two wonderful colleagues. They had met with this man a number of times. I had not.
We met at a very exclusive restaurant and everything about the situation suggested formality. My good friend and colleague started and carried much of the early conversation. She has a gift for connecting to people and giving them positive energy.
We were having a very good conversation but I felt the intuitive need to make it more meaningful. I particularly wanted to make it possible for this man to speak of the things that were really important to him. So I asked some questions.
First, I asked, “What was your most personal reason for giving us the large gift you gave us?” He spoke very thoughtfully about the world of business and how much criticism it gets. He said he wanted people to understand the goodness of business and what it does for people.
I found this very provocative and helpful. It was inspiring to stop and think about the inherent goodness of business. My mind flooded with creative ideas and our conversation became increasingly meaningful.
We began to discuss what a research center does to create knowledge which then flows into the practice of business. It seemed a little academic, so I asked him, “What was the nonfinancial contribution of your business to the practice of business, and what new things did you do that caused other business people to then see new possibilities in the world of business?” He had a potent answer to this. His company had done things that no other company ever had, and once they did, it changed the possibilities for other companies and open new opportunities for people. He described these contributions with some feeling.
For a minute or two we celebrated his impressive answer. Then something changed. He did something remarkable. He began to speak of some of his most personal concerns and he asked for our advice. We shared freely, not only from our knowledge base, but from our own life experiences. That is, we became as authentic and personal in answering as he was in asking. Here again my colleague was magnificent, and the conversation continued to grow in trust and in richness of content. As we were wrapping up, another surprising thing happened, he invited us to meet with him on a regular basis.
I left with a feeling of gratitude for our conversation. I gained some stimulating ideas. But it was more than that. I also felt gratitude for the goodness in this man. I felt admiration for his great accomplishments and I also felt empathy for the challenges in his life. I felt like we touched souls. This was important. I think when we touch souls we co-create a new possibility space. By that I mean there are a number of ways in which the world may become a better place because of the quality of conversation that transpired and the quality of the relationship that was established. When trust is amplified the growth mindset flourishes.
Very powerful and poignant words. Thanks, Robert! It made a big difference for me in noticing relationships to see ‘levels’ of relationship based on trust (inspired by Robert Solomon and Fernandez Flores, Building Trust). Essentially, the level of blind trust is a child for parents, employees for an organization, or residents in a community. Second level is ‘conditional trust’, the most common, as a function of trust. So, if you earn my trust by good acts, then we can have a more productive relationship. This could be called ‘earned trust’, and subject to on-going validation. One of the biggest breakthroughs I’ve had was a shift to ‘unconditional trust’, a noticing that most limitations in my life are self-imposed, generated by a living from second level trust. Third level trust is an openness to universe, to meta-universe, that thrives by appreciation and awe, by a ‘listening for what’s needed or called for.’ This magnificent space can be called forth ‘just like that’, by just letting go. Yes, just do it! The whole world is waiting.